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Exploding Lawn Gnomes Overwork Sacred Spleen Staff

This evening a small quiet suburb of Sim City, Sunset Valley, learned just how unprepared their hospital is for disaster.  On a busy day Sacred Spleen Hospital sees half a dozen splinters and a few cases of food poisoning where many of the residents were never warned about the hazards of eating moldy pizza.  This evening, that changed.  The hospitals four doctors, ten nurses and three bed pan technicians found themselves working overtime thanks to a number of exploding garden gnomes.

There hasn’t been a death attributed to lawn ornaments since the banning of lawn flamingos two years ago after the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty of Lawn Flamingos rigged many of them to explode to discourage people from kicking them.   So why are garden gnomes now exploding?

The scientists at Laandgrab Science Facility in a joint venture with Fort Gnome Military Facility decided to create the ultimate in home security.  The idea was to create a cheaper alternative to OnSim, the most popular, and horribly expensive burglar alarm system.  The prototype lawn gnomes contained a laser sensor that would detect the slightest movement causing the gnome to self destruct throwing deadly shrapnel a minimum of thirty feet in all directions.  Several of these gnomes were accidentally set off when a clumsy lab assistant dropped a single mushroom from his pizza onto one of the gnomes.  The initial gnome exploded setting off a chain reaction of ten other gnomes that were in the room.

“We are really surprised that this happened.”  Mr. Laandgrab, the owner of Laandgrab Science Facility told us.  “Our scientists have been carefully trained in the proper storage of explosives.  This should have never happened and it’s going to take us weeks to clean up the mess and get the blood stains out of the carpet.”

So far, twelve people remain hospitalized in critical condition while ten others were treated and released with minor injuries.  There has only been one reported fatality.

We couldn’t get an interview with any of the doctors about what happened but one of the bed pan technicians, Kris Savage, did talk to us briefly.  “It was horrible.  I have never had to change so many bed pans before in my life.  On a normal day I mostly stack them, count them, re-stack them and store them in a closet.  Today people actually used them and I had to clean them.  It was horrible!  This is not what I signed up for when I took this job.”

Savage’s statement is proof that the hospital is unprepared for disaster due an improperly trained staff.  The mayor has quickly stepped in.  “All hospital staff will now be required to attend 40 hours of specialized medical training as it pertains to disasters, both natural and man made, that will be provided by Simland Security at Fort Gnome.  I am also putting an end to the Lawn Gnome Home Security System Project at Laandgrab.  If the facility continues with this project it will be shut down and replaced with a state of the art llama breeding facility.”

The Sims Weekly World News will continue to follow this story and keep you updated on any further developments.